


Outcast

by CJinn



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:21:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 17,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22524712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CJinn/pseuds/CJinn
Summary: All her life Ahsoka Tano had wanted to become a Jedi Knight, but suddenly she found herself outside the Jedi Order, trying to find her way in a galaxy at war.
Kudos: 14





	1. Outcast

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: None of the characters in this story are mine. Nor is the galaxy. They all belong to Lucas/Disney. As usual no money is coming my way from this work. Oh, well, not much expenses going out either. 
> 
> The story is written just for fun as a "Dear Diary" challenge on theforce. net and is also published at ff.net.

Wait? What happened now? What did I do? Oh, Force, I have just expelled myself from the Jedi Order. This time my temper really got the best of me. I just…I ….when Master Yoda declared that I was innocent in the misdoings of Barriss Offee and that I was not involved in the explosion at all I should have accepted the apology, but Force, I just couldn't. All those days when they really believed that I could do something like that… I just knew I couldn't honestly accept their apology, especially since there wasn't really an apology at all. Well, except the one Master Plo made on behalf of the Council of course.

But when I saw Master Obi-Wan's stony face I knew that there was no way back. He and Master Anakin were both my mentors and even though Master Anakin had worked to prove my innocence I couldn't stand the… _polite_ expression in Master Obi-Wan's face. I knew that there was no way back for me. It would never be the same. How could I ever trust them again when he was willing to let me go just like this?

So I went.


	2. Seeking Shelter

Naturally Master Anakin tried to convince me to come back, and for a moment (oh, who am I kidding - it was permanent) I was tempted to give in and return, but then I recalled all the moments when the Council had been admonishing Master Anakin without any other reason that he'd been too impulsive and I realised that even if I continued on the path to being a Jedi Knight - or rather accepted that this was my main trial and that I was promoted to a Jedi Knight right away, I might very well end up in the same spot as Skyguy, I mean…Master Anakin.

Oh, this really feels weird. I will miss him so much. We've been through so much together since I became his Padawan. I will miss Master Obi-Wan too. Sometimes I've felt like being the combination of those two. I admit that I can be reckless, much like Skyguy is, but I could also see that the more careful approach of Master Obi-Wan made sense. Quite often actually.

I will miss Rex and Echo and the rest of the 501st too. They have become my brothers in so many ways, not only 'brothers in arms".

Oh, no… There was one thing I forgot to do when I left. I have no idea what I was thinking. Well, I guess I wasn't thinking at all. When a Jedi leaves the Order he or she should hand in his lightsaber. I completely forgot that. Everything happened so quickly. Actually I have both of them. It's not like I can walk back and hand them over now. That would be too embarrassing. Guess I have to keep them then. They might come in handy one day.

….

I spent my first afternoon on my own just sitting on a ledge some levels down and north-east of the Temple pondering my past and present. I didn't even dare thinking about the future. But when the daylight dimmed I realised that the present needed some extra attention. I surely would need a shelter for the night. Jedi or not, the lower levels of Coruscant isn't a place to roam aimlessly in the wee hours.

However, I had no idea of where to go or what to do. I had spend nights on scarier places than level #34 but then I had the knowledge that I belonged somewhere, that I would be missed if I went lost. I hadn't been in a total limbo like now. I needed a shelter for the night, that much was certain, and tomorrow I had to start looking for a more permanent place to stay.

I began wandering the area without really thinking of where I was going, trying to get a feeling of where it would be safe, or at least relatively safe to sleep but I was at loss. I had no idea of where to go. That's when the idea struck me. Dex! Hopefully the Besalisk wouldn't give me in to Master Obi-Wan or Skyguy. He was a good friend of Obi-Wan's but my impression was that he could also keep a secret if needed. With some luck he would keep mine as well.

With a renewed feeling of purpose I strode towards Coco town and Dex's place.


	3. Dex's Place

I came to Dex's place at about the time when the last guests were leaving, which was just as good because when I entered the huge being immediately recognised me.

"Hi there kiddo," he rumbled, "what're ya doin' down here? And where are your companions?"

Just as well he didn't mention Skyguy's and Master Obi-Wan's names. That might have drawn too much attention for my likings. Especially since I felt my eyes began to fill up with …tears?

Kriff it. I don't cry. Ever.

I felt tears trickling down my face and the besalisk whiskered me away into a room behind the café.

"Now, what's up?" he prodded, "can't be that bad, can it? If one of them guy's of yer's had blown himself up I would surely have heard it."

"Well, that's the trouble," I managed to hiccup. "They're NOT 'my guys' anymore. I have left the Jedi…"

That made him quiet for some seconds and his face got this thoughtful impression I had seen before when Master Obi-Wan had asked him questions.

"Might have something to do with that big Jedi explosion some weeks ago?" he stated, and I only nodded.

"I don't know what to do anymore," I admitted, "bud I couldn't go back after that. They truly didn't believe in me. Only Skyguy, I mean, Master Anakin did….but….that isn't enough…."

My voice trailed off and I suppressed some new sobs.

"Guess I could offer you a job here, but I don't think you're a natural born waiter and I don't want you to slice up any of my customers," he said with a little glimpse in his eyes. Just the thought of myself being a waitress made a small laugh find it's way through the tears.

"I suppose I'm not," I sighed.

"Now, listen - you stay here on my couch as long as you need, until you've figured out what to do," he promised. "Any friend of Obi-Wan's is a friend of mine. And I won't tell him about you unless you allow me to".

I sighed again, in relief this time.

"Thanks Dex. I promise that I won't stay too long."


	4. Shadowland

Dex got more of a houseguest than he bargained for. It took me more than a week to find a more or less safe place to stay, and in that period I rested on Dex' couch during the nights, while exploring the Coruscanti underworld at day.

Not that it mattered. The lower levels of Coruscant were places where sunlight or even daylight did not reach. It was a world of villains and thieves and murderers, - and now and then people that just had been unlucky enough to be born there.

I had been to some of the lower levels before, with Skyguy or Master Obi-Wan, but now I had to go deeper. I knew that on the lowest levels hardly anyone from the surface found their way, not even Corsec - the security forces of Coruscant.

Which suited me well.

What was not as good was the fact that I intended to survive and lightworlders were not popular on the lower levels. Jedi even less so. Thus I wanted to keep my lightsabers out of view as long as there was no total crisis.

The crisis came the 6th day of my search for a more permanent shelter. I had descended as far as I've never been before and even for me daylight was but a faint memory - which of course made me ponder my own beginning senility since it was less than 3 hours since I've left the relativel light in Coco Town.

I was likely too occupied by searching for a new place to call home, so I didn't sense them until it was almost too late. They must have been unbelievable quiet or I unbelievable stupid because I didn't notice them until I heard a 'whooosh' as their electroshock net flew through the air towards me. I dodged it easily enough but found myself surrounded by a group of Cthon who obviously were preying for their dinner.

"Oh, no, you don't," I muttered through clenched teeth. They were known to eat human flesh and I was not totally certain whether a Togruta would be according to the taste of their palates, but I dared not take the chance. On the other hand, I did not want to reveal my sabers either. A force enhanced leap brought me over the main part of the pack and I decided to make it simple: run.

The plan would have worked like a charm hadn't there been a couple of stray Chton who obviously not were the best runners of the pack. I had barely left the main group behind when I met the ones who had lagged behind. Momentarily I saw that they were blocking the narrow alley in front of me so I did the only thing I could do. I kicked. And hit. I immediately regretted the latter. The Chton felt cold and slippery and incredible…slimy when my fist met his chin and if I'd had a possibility I would have washed my hand - with lots of soap.

Two more kicks and my three opponents lay unconscious in the alley.

I returned to my first plan and ran for my life.


	5. The Discovery

As I raced through the narrow alleys the shrieks and howls from the pursuing pack became more distant until I could hardly hear them anymore. I was in a reasonable good shape, as any jedi padawan should be but eventually I slowed down and began to see more of my surroundings. The buildings, or rather ruins, down at this level were really old. I mean, like ancient. They were small and built from something that seemed to be natural stone. I had never seen anything like that on Coruscant before. It was almost pitch black but not entirely. Some faint light was seeping down from the levels above and thanks to my species my eyes were more light sensitive than most human eyes. I realised that the ground beneath my feet actually was…ground. Like soil.

I had to be on the lowest level that existed on the planet.

A huge square cliff was laying on the ground a few steps in front of me and I sat down on it while contemplating my surroundings and what to do next.

As I sat there a feeling of peace and tranquility washed over me. This place was, or had been, sacred in a way. Maybe that was the explanation of why there were seemingly no inhabitants in the abandoned buildings. I reached out with my senses but could not feel anyone nearby. I couldn't understand it. One thing that was quite certain on the city planet was that any area that possibly could be used for living beings was occupied by someone - or on these levels more like something. Yet it was totally quiet.

Maybe the peace surrounding this special area didn't go well with the living beings in these shadowlands? There was a definitive aura of something good here. I could actually live here. Maybe one of the abandoned buildings could be repaired and used as a shelter? I was just about to go looking when I noticed it. A small blue flower that fought its way up near the edge of the rock I was sitting on. A real flower? I could hardly believe my own eyes, but there it was - fighting it's way up from the soil surrounded by almost complete darkness but still obviously sucking up enough light to survive. Somehow it seemed like a symbol of hope. I knelt down and touched it's blades gently. "Hi there, little one," I whispered. "if you can live here, maybe I can too?" Then I saw the tiny opening between the stone I'd been sitting on and the ground around it and I realised that this was something man made, not a boulder that had fallen down there in ancient times. This one had deliberately been placed here by someone.

Which again meant that there had to be something beneath it.

Now my curiosity had been triggered and I took a couple of steps back and considered it. Obviously I would not be able to lift it by muscle strength only, but maybe with help from the Force? I had never been as good as my Masters to do the Force lifting thing, I was more into Force pushing, but I was willing to try.

I stretched out my hand and focused, and through the Force I felt the stone answer. Slowly it lifted from the ground and I could see the roughly carved steps leading down below the ground. Without thinking I slid down and lowered the rock carefully again while desperately trying to avoid squeezing the little blue flower.


	6. Deep Below

There was a staircase leading down from the entrance. It was rough, obviously made from natural stone ("What? Natural stone on Coruscant?" ) and it lead down below the ground. As soon as I had lowered the rock on top of the entrance I lit my lightsaber. A glow rod would probably have been better, but I didn't have one. The bluish light cast an eerie glow over the surroundings. Force alone would have to know who, or what, could be hiding here in the shadows.

I proceeded carefully. By the end of the stairs the ground levelled out and became a rather narrow corridor and I released some tension. The spider webs hanging from the ceiling witnessed about little traffic indeed in this area. Hopefully there weren't any other entrances to whatever I went towards. I reached out with the Force and felt nothing.

That is, no living beings at least.

The Force itself was another matter. It felt incredibly strong in a way I hadn't felt it before, not even in the Temple. In a way it was soothing, but it also felt a bit disturbing as I didn't know what to expect. I had never heard any tales about any convergences in the Force here on Coruscant. But then again, a convergence would probably have been more…disturbed. Here the Force felt pure, in lack of a better word.

The place felt safe enough so I increased my speed a bit.

And then I stopped. The corridor had ended and I was almost literally spat out in a huge hall with massive stone pillars bearing the ceiling. I lifted my 'saber to get a better look and I felt my jaw dropping almost down to the mosaic floor. The hall was astonishing. The walls were covered with mosaic showing landscapes. A clear blue lake area gradually transformed into landscapes of rolling hills and deep forests. I almost expected to see a deer peeking out between the trees. The floor was decorated with a geometric pattern, symmetric about the center with a stylised sun stretching it's rays towards figures surrounding it. It surely was breathtaking.

A low sound such as the one of gurgling water reached my ears and I looked around me. The sound seemed to come from the 'lake district' wall and I approached carefully. Just below the image of a sparkling waterfall was a little spring where clear water was burbling happily. I couldn't believe my own eyes. Pure water had not been seen on Coruscant for hundreds of years, if ever. Everyone knew (and everyone tried not to think of it) that the water supply on the city planet was mostly recirculated even though some fresh water was collected in huge basins when weather control every once in a while allowed rain showers to occur.

But here it was, a natural spring from the ground itself. Carefully I knelt down and dipped my fingers. It felt cool and tempting and for a moment I contemplated if it would be overly reckless of me to taste it. If I became severely sick down here, wherever 'here' was, nobody would ever find me.

Well, only one way to find out. I bent down and drank deeply.

It was delicious.


	7. Renovating

There and then I decided to make this my new home. At least if I somehow could find something to compensate for the lack of daylight down here. But clean water was worth more to me than daylight. Since my species originally was carnivores and hunters I can see fairly well in the dark so if needed I could manage with a few glow roads.

I spent the night down in my new cave, hoping fervently that Dex wouldn't be too worried about me. When I woke, a little stiff and sore I decided that a decent sleeping mat would be good too. The Chton seemed to have found other hunting grounds for the day because I couldn't even feel their presence nearby when I departed my new home.

I didn't have to worry. Dex was helpful as ever and through one of his numerous acquaintances I was able to get materials so I could rig some light sources. It wasn't as good as the brightly lit halls of the Temple but it was good enough for me. I also managed to find a simpler route to the surface which brought me out of the Chton's area.

I even managed to earn some credits by working as a mechanic on some of the mid-levels so after a few days I was able to buy a used, but fairly clean sleeping mat and a blanket. My home was complete for now.

Compared to the situation a few weeks ago I was in a fairly good shape. I had shelter, I had water and I had some credits so I could get food. Life wasn't good, but it had definitely improved.

Until now I had been too busy with just surviving, so I hadn't really thought much about my new surroundings except marvelling over the entrance hall and the fine mosaics that could be found everywhere. But now I had some time and I wanted to explore my surroundings a bit more. I had noticed several smaller rooms in the corridors that led away from the grand hall and armed with a glow rod I decided to see what more could be found.

The rooms were quite small and simple. It seemed to be small cells, much like the dorms for the older initiates in the Temple and a suspicion began to nag in the back of my mind. There had been stories about an old Bendu Temple that actually had occupied the ground where the "new" Jedi Temple was raised. We all considered the storys more like a fairy tale because nobody had heard about anyone actually seeing the ruins, but maybe it was more than that. Surely it was more than that, after what I could see. The tranquility I, and probably every other force sensitive being in the galaxy could feel here might have attracted first the Bendu, and later the Jedi to raise their temples at this particular location.

When I found a larger room that must have been a refectory my suspicions were even more confirmed. Then the thought struck me: if my assumptions were true, I had to live right beneath the Jedi Temple now. I almost chuckled to myself before realising that I now had to keep my shields up all the time. If I were as close as I thought Skyguy and Master Obi-Wan would actually be able to sense me. I couldn't let that happen. I immediately reinforced my shielding…

Another thought struck me just as fast. What if there was a path connecting the two Temples? If so I had to find it and block it before anyone could enter from the other side. It surely wouldn't look good if anyone found me here.

It took me two days, or rather two evenings, finding it. I found an old winding staircase and followed it. A small door was found at the end of it and after searching thoroughly through the force I found that it was safe to open it. Carefully I looked out and peeked around me. I was coming up a huge cylindrical construction and for all I could see I was in the lower part of the Temple, not very far from the main technical rooms if I interpreted the faint buzzing sounds of transformers and fans correctly.

I almost chuckled to myself. I could actually have…uh…shed some light over my quarters by tapping some electricity from the main generators. Oh, well, I'd better not leave any traces of my presence. I'd better get to work and find a way to block the door from the inside to avoid uninvited guests. From the dust outside nobody seemed to have come this way in centuries but still… A couple of solid bolts blocking the upper and the lower doors from the inside would probably do. It wouldn't stand the assault from a ram, but then again - there was no space for a ram in the lower part of the cylindrical structure I had come to suspect was the base of the central spire of the present Temple. Any Jedi could potentially blow it open by use of the Force or simply pull the bolts aside, but then again - they had to find it first, and such ministrations at the most important part of the entire Temple's structure would likely not be too tempting. At least I hoped so.


	8. When All Sith Hells Break Loose

I had settled down nicely in my, well, not-so-cosy but definitely spacious cave and life began to get normal again. Not the "jedi normal" but a new weird "Ahsoka normal". I was not happy, but I survived. I had water, food and a roof over my head - actually several when I let my thoughts sift through the entire Temple structure above me. Life could, after all, have been worse. I'd even managed to keep the tight shielding so well that it by now had become a habit and I didn't have to focus on it constantly.

And then all Sith hells broke loose in one terrible, horrible, devastating afternoon.

I was not aware of what was going to happen. Nobody was. We had all from time to time felt the looming shadow over us but I think we'd all got so used to it that we considered it a result of the ongoing war with the seppies.

I was completely oblivious when it began. In one moment I sat on my sleeping mat consuming my dinner (cold meat and some rather dry bread I had bought for a credit in the mid-level market) and in the next I lay there curled together like a little ball of pain and despair. Something happened somewhere. I could feel a…shift and something that had been bright and well known suddenly turned dark and gloomy like the threatening skies of a thunderstorm covering the bright blue sky.

"Skyguy…", I gasped, "what are you up to now?"

This horrible feeling of despair and anger and regret had something to do with my Master, no…my former Master. Of that I was certain, but I had no idea what could cause this flooding of dark feelings that seemed to come from the galaxy itself.

I bad barely managed to compose myself before the next wave came and that made me collapse again.

I had no idea of what was going on but the sudden pang of numerous Force sensitives passing into the Force was almost too much to handle. No, wait. It _was_ too much. It felt like thousand souls were just wiped out as they never had existed. It was pain and horror and surprise and I understood nothing. Not even the largest separatist battleship would be able to take out so many at once.

I closed my eyes, covered my ears and screamed. It was all too terrible to take in.

And then the more physical assault began.

First it was only a faint distant rumbling but then it drew closer. And closer yet. From my shelter down in Coruscant's ground it was hard to hear what actually happened but I could have placed my second last credit that the Temple above me was under attack form some airborne forces. Did the seppies really dare to attack Coruscant? This was not the time or place for staying underground. I simply _needed_ to see what was happening. Whatever it was it couldn't be good. I didn't need the noise from above to tell me that. The Force had already told me that whatever was going on, it was a disaster for the Jedi.

I emerged from my hiding and began to weave my way through the levels as fast as I've never done before. And finally I was there and could see the Temple from a distance, just in time to see the south spire fall under the heavy bombardment.

"Oh, Force. No!" My lips moved but not a single sound came out, which was just as good. In that moment it wouldn't have been too good to be associated with the Jedi, I supposed.

My first instinct was to run towards the Temple. There had to be someone inside and maybe they needed help. Most Jedi were out in the war zones in the outer rim, so mostly the council, or at least a couple of them, some old Masters and the initiates were left in the Temple. Or that was the way it had been when I left myself. Likely the situation hadn't improved a lot since then. I might have followed my instincts but then I saw it. It was a sight that I'd never expected to see. A batallion of clones were marching up the stairs towards the main entrance. I had no doubt that other clones were approaching from other directions as well.

"No," I whispered again.

And then, in a short glimpse, I saw the blue insignia of the 501st and my blood almost froze. It wasn't possible. It couldn't be. They were my friends, my brothers and they had fought alongside the Jedi for so long. They would never betray us. I mean…them. They wouldn't.

They did.

Carefully I moved forward. I needed to be sure. I needed to _know_.

And soon I came to wish I hadn't. It surely was men from the 501st entering the grand staircase and even from my distant position I could see a lone tall figure dressed in a black robe in front of them.

And for the third time in a very short period I whispered "No".

I knew that Master Anakin had been at odds with the council far too frequently and that he sometimes had his doubts about certain aspects of the Jedi teachings, but surely he wouldn't turn against those who had raised him? Would he? Would he turn against Master Obi-Wan?

Would he…turn?

A shiver went through my body by the thought of it and I knew without any doubt that he had. That was the horrible feeling I had noticed before … all the dying. My Master, my friend and mentor had turned to the dark side, and in his wake the loyal 501st would follow.

I turned and ran.


	9. To the Rescue

I ran like I'd never done before. I ran - not for my life, but maybe for others'. I ran with tears streaming down my face, among other beings, over debris and sleeping beings (how could anyone sleep during the heavy bombing of the Temple?). I used all the shortcuts and elevators I had found throughout the last weeks. I needed to get back home as soon as I could.

I let my body take over and I think that for a moment my brain short circuited and stoppet working. The image of the tall black clad figure who had been my Master not many weeks ago leading the 501st up towards the Temple would forever be imprinted in my memory. I might have believed that he was going to save his friends from whatever was going on, but in my heart and soul I felt that was not his intention. And while I ran a new wave of despair rolled through the Force and confirmed my suspicions.

Force alone knew what was happening inside those Temple walls now, but for sure, it wasn't good.

I ran faster.

If someone chose to flee down to the Temple's basement I could get them out through the Bendu temple ruins or they could stay down there for a while. We just had to shield heavily.

I opened the entrance, slid down and closed it firmly behind myself before I continued. My quick approach came to a screeching halt when I almost ran into a pile of huge stones which hadn't been there before. It had to be the base of the collapsed south spire. It took me way too long figuring out how to lift away parts of the debris so I could pass. This would be a mess to get by for larger beings than myself, that much was certain.

I ran through the main hall and trough the corridors leading to the central spire base, opened the bolts of the lower door and continued up the stairs while I tried to catch my breath. I had to be quiet and oh so stealthy once I opened the upper door.

I didn't have to worry. As soon as I reached the top of the stairs I felt several beings on the other side, and it seemed to be refugees from whatever was going on. I could feel their anxiety and despair, but no true anger or evil, so I gave it a chance and opened the door carefully.

Outside I could see a small group of initiates, younglings and a few elderly Masters. And Bant. Master Obi-Wan's age mate Bant Eerin. I almost cried by the sight of the familiar face but I managed to compose myself.

"In here. Hurry! All of you," I whispered. "Now!"

"Ahsoka," Bant gasped.

"Later! I don't intend to do any harm. Get in. Now!" I commanded in my most determined commander voice. They were too shellshocked either by what was going on upstairs or by the sight of me to put up an argument so swiftly they began to move downstairs.

"Are there more of you?" I asked when Bant passed by as the last one of the group.

"No. At least I don't think so. I was told to get the small initiates downstairs but the rest remained to fight the intruders."

"Who?" I asked.

"I…could see a couple of clones," she said, "and I felt a terrible dark presence but I don't know who the darksider was. He or she was darker than anything I've felt before in my life."

I just nodded. My fears had just been confirmed. I didn't need her to confirm who the darksider was. I already knew too well.


	10. Ahsoka Catering Inc.

It took a while to settle in with so many inhabitants. The first nights we stayed put, sleeping on the cold hard tile floors (the smallest initiates got my sleeping mat…) and teaching the younglings to shield, shield and shield once more. Every child was taught that as one of the first skills. It was simply needed in a world with so many force sensitives in one place, else we would likely have gone ravingly mad before the tender age of four standard.

Now we honed the skills to perfection. Master Yoda would have been proud.

The next problem to be solved was to get at least a minimum of comfort for all of us. Bant and I soon enough realised that trying to leave the place without having anywhere to actually go was not the best of ideas so we decided to stay put until the Force came up with a good idea, because surely we didn't have any ourselves.

I volunteered to scout.

The first night I set out to see Dex. It was more than ever important to stay out of sight since I had no idea how far the killings had spread and what I would meet above ground. Dex had (of course) heard the news about the attack on the Temple and through the Force I could feel his well hidden distress when I appeared. Obviously he was glad to see me because I immediately found myself captured in a four armed hug. Then he released me and began to ask.

"My…contacts have informed me that Jedi have been attacked in other worlds too. Any idea of what's up?" he asked.

"No, not really," I sighed and immediately decided to keep my knowledge about my Master's turning to myself, "well, I have a feeling that this has something to do with the Sith. I have felt pure evil through the Force, but apart from that I probably know less than you do."

"Is…Obi-Wan…?" he didn't finish before he seemed to choke up.

"I don't know," I said honestly. "I guess I would have felt it if he or…..Master Anakin…passed into the Force, but I don't know. Since I left the bond I had with them has become weaker. But…there are other survivors. The Jedi were able to extract some younglings and elders before…before….well, you know," I finished lamely. "I know where they are. They have shelter, but need food and other supplies."

It really was hard times since I couldn't even confide in Dex, but luckily he understood. He'd been around a cycle or three so he knew the tougher necessities of survival well enough.

"I see. I believe I can help with that. If you….or someone else from…them, can come here once or twice a week, -after nightfall, I believe can find some food supplies for you.

I nodded in silent approval and gratitude. One of the older younglings, Ramen Siin, was Iktotchi and his species telepathic abilities would be useful if he were to emerge to the surface. He would better than most sense other with bad intentions nearby and even better, he would be able to communicate with the elderly Iktotchi master in the group so we could actually stay in touch while he was out. That would be invaluable for both parts.

And with that matter settled I returned home for the rest of the night.

The following night I was off for a more somber exploration: I went for the Jedi Temple. Most likely the dark being that had been my Master would have left for other tasks by now, and I wasn't too scared of the clone guards that probably stayed put. After all I had grown up in the Temple. They hadn't. Everything was quiet when I emerged from the secret entrance beneath the central spire. I put Bant on the other side so she could open the door when I returned.

On the lower levels were no signs of human or other activity and I decided to take a quick peek further up. I didn't risk the elevators but the stairs were still unharmed.

For years to come, I'd wish I hadn't.

They had removed most of the bodies but not all. Let me put it that way, it was not a pleasant sight and even for me who had seen more than my fair share of dead bodies throughout the Clone Wars, it was horrific. These had once been my people. I didn't know them all in person, but my heart almost broke when I found Master Nu dead on the floor in her beloved Archives, lightsaber in hand. She had truly died as the warrior she was.

I wiped a stray tear from my face and continued towards the refectory. The clones were disciplined. Unlike many other attackers they would probably not have plundered the place. I was right, and more important, I was lucky. Obviously they were doing patrolling, they were not stationary guards so the refectory was empty. Some fighting had been going on because tables and chairs were in a total mess, but the food storage which was my ultimate goal was unharmed. I grabbed what I could find of well preserved food which could be stored down in the Bendu temple and for good measure I also grabbed some of the fresh food that still seemed edible. We all deserved a treat.

I took three more visits before I called it a luck was with me and I decided to use one of the supplying elevators going down to the depot. Hopefully that was too far down in the temple structure to be of much interest to the guards.

And by that we had food supplies for several days, even if Dex' supply chain would be delayed.


	11. In Hiding

The following days and weeks we were busy making the Bendu Temple a home, or at least as close to a home that was possible under the circumstances. Together with the older initiates I made a few more nightly raids in the now abandoned Jedi Temple and we managed to bring down some sleeping mats and other basic furniture. Mostly it came from the depot which had been quite well equipped due to the decreasing number of jedi during the war. My assumption was that the clones wouldn't be too sure about it contents and it would be worse to see if something really was missing in case anyone tried to check.

Over the weeks to come we managed to set up a fairly good communication with Dex and by using Ramen Tiin as courier we were kept informed about what was going on in the upper levels. The war had per se ended with Palpatine's self declared status as Emperor. Somehow the attacks from the seppies seemed to cease gradually (and miraculously) over time. A couple of times a week we received supplies through a number of still functioning hoover lifts in the abandoned area of the underground. I have no idea how Dex managed to get the crates there unseen but somehow he did.

As for myself I never dared to leave the Bendu Temple. I realised that my face might be easily recognised among people in the upper levels. After all I had been following "The Hero With no Fear" during most of the clone wars and my face was bound to have appeared on holoimages here and there. I didn't feel good by leaving the communications to a youngling as Ramen, but he proved to be up to the challenge.

We tried to keep the few initiates busy with saber training and other physical activities. Bant and I also tried to keep some kind of classes for them, teaching them what we could remember from our own initiate days.

I doubt we were successful, but at least we managed to keep up an impression of a somewhat normal everyday life amidst all the madness. We all longed for fresh air and getting out, but I didn't dare to bring the crechelings outdoors. Keeping them quiet and collected would be too difficult and we couldn't risk being spotted by anyone - not even in our secluded part of the lower levels.

We were at an impasse with destiny, or so it seemed.

And then the visitors came.


	12. The Visitors

The first one to turn up on our proverbial doorstep was Master Windu. We'd all assumed he was dead but truth to be told we hadn't got any intel from the outer world confirming it. It wasn't until some weeks after "Imperial Day" we got a message from Dex that someone we knew would be joining us, if we approved. Of course we said yes. Dex had proven to be reliable and since he was the one relaying the request the newcomer could most likely be trusted.

This time I went off myself. As much as I trusted Ramen I considered myself to be the more suspicious kind. War tends to promote those skills in a person. When Dex followed me into his quarters where I myself had resided until I found my own hideout I had no idea whom I was going to meet, but never in a million years would I have expected to meet Mace Windu himself.

He was thinner and somehow smaller than I remembered and one of his arms had been replaced by a not very advanced prosthetic. He was just as surprised to see me as I was to see him, but I must admit I felt a little un-jedilike pang of satisfaction when I heard his deep voice greet me with a polite: "Knight Tano" as he bowed lightly to me. It was an indication that he still considered me to be the jedi I myself had renounced to be.

The explanation of his rescue came the next evening when he had properly settled in with us and the smaller initiates and crechelings had been tucked in.

He'd gone with three other masters to arrest the sithlord and failed spectacularly. The other fell in the first few minutes after the fighting began, but he seemed to have the upper hand when Anakin arrived at the scene. But Anakin did nothing, he just stood as paralysed and then he rejected to help. For a moment Master Mace was baffled, and that tiny moment was all the Sith needed. Anakin turned to defend the Sith and Mace's arm was cut off almost at the same time as Palpatine force pushed him out the window. It should have meant death, but by some incredible luck he dropped into a bypassing speeder who helped him to relative safety - at Dex' place, of course.

After that he'd spent the time in hiding, recuperating from his injuries.

After the first shock had ceased I was truly glad to have him with us. Master Mace (I still couldn't manage to call him just Mace…) was a better organisator than the rest of us combined and somehow our hideout felt more like the temple when he was back and in charge. He'd lost his own lightsaber in the battle but he was still capable to instruct us in the saber forms, and he even took his part of teaching the initiates.

The next visitor came almost a year after "Imperial Day" and was an even greater surprise. We'd heard news from Dex that another survivor would like to meet us. Master Windu was the first to greet the newcomer when Ramen took him in, and I had no idea that my grandmaster would once again stand in front of me. When I saw him I completely lost it. I managed to squeeze out a somewhat decent greeting before I found myself hanging around his neck sobbing like a crecheling. Our common history came back to me like a flood wave. All the adventures and horrible situations we've been living through together. All the friendly banter, the laughter and the horrors - everything that made us family. Everything that was the attachment no jedi should ever have. All the…love. Not the romantic love, but still love.

After bawling my eyes out and soaking Master Obi-Wan's tunic and tabards thoroughly Master Mace interjected and suggested that we'd go somewhere more private. Gratefully I wiped the last of my tears and agreed.

The following days turned out to be busy to the extreme. In the past I had noticed that things…happened… when Master Obi-Wan was around, and even worse when both he and Skyguy were present at the same time. Nothing ever changes - does it?

The first thing we did was to plan a rebellion.

Well, not exactly like that but obviously Master Obi-Wan was involved in something he wouldn't tell about and just as obviously (because he told us _that_ part) some of it involved preparing for fighting the Empire with all means available. We'd all been looking forward to the end of the Clone Wars and we'd never wanted to see something even resembling a war again, but I understood the necessity of it. Leaving a Sith Lord in charge of the vast parts of the galaxy that had previously been the republic was unbearable. So, we had to gather our forces (pun intended) again.

Our second move was to plunder the Jedi Temple. I had never thought about it but after listening to Master Obi-Wan and Master Mace it was crystal clear that running a Temple with several thousands inhabitants demanded some founding and as the Temple had been mainly self sufficient there had to be values somewhere. The banking facilities were under the government of the Sith so we could for sure not use the money that had once been gathered there, but unbeknownst to me the Temple had it's own treasure vault. And with two council members present we were actually able to access it.

So we did. We withdrew artefacts that could easily be transformed into credits on the black marked (where did Master Obi-Wan learn about such things?) and then some more that could be easily transported to our new home on Draay 2. After long discussions we had agreed that the abandoned Jedi Temple on the moon likely would be so far away from Coruscant that the younglings might have a chance to grow up there.

Our main problem was to get off of Coruscant. Stealing a ship from the Emperor would prove difficult and draw too much attention and for once Dex couldn't help either. But once again Master Obi-Wan pulled a plan out of his sleeve - our old "acquaintance" Hondo Ohnaka might be able to help, at least if he was offered enough credits. This plan sent me and my grandmaster out on a minor mission aiming to purchase a ship large enough for our entire group from the pirate chief. It was during this short mission I learned that my suspicion that Master Anakin had turned was completely correct. Master Obi-Wan had seen it, or rather he had fought the Sith Lord that once had been my Master and my brother on the remote planet of Mustafar and defeated him. When Master Obi-Wan told me what had happened I swear my heart almost broke. For him. For Master Anakin. And maybe most of all for myself. In that moment I truly realised that the world I knew was gone forever. If the chosen one could turn, then who knows what would happen?

Our mission was a success and the next step was to get all our proteges on board unseen. We had agreed that when they got the signal they should leave the Temple in small groups and move to the rendezvous point. That part of the plan went well. What we had not expected was that the sith seemed to have multiplied as several dark beings appeared and we had to fight them down one by one.

But we managed, and once again we were in space on our way to an uncertain future. Just as we entered hyperspace I could feel a dark, yet somehow familiar, presence at the spot we'd just left.

Darth Vader.


	13. Draay 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The background for the temple on Draay 2 has been written based on the Draay 2 chapter in Wookieepeedia as I wanted to give the surviving Jedi a "real" moon as their new home.

For the second time in as many years I was on the run, or rather in search for a new home. It didn't really sink in until we approached our goal on Draay-2, a remote moon in the outer rim with a Temple founded millennia ago by the Draay family, hosting a covenant intending to fight down prophecies before they had a chance to become true.

There was some poetic justice in that, as the one who had thrown us into this disaster was a child of prophecy himself.

Master Obi-Wan had set off to wherever he came from and we had established comm contact. I had promised to comm him once we were at our destination. While criss-crossing the hyperplanes to throw anyone in pursuit off our scent I had time to think. I had a fairly good idea where Obi-Wan's hideout was but I would wisely keep it to myself. Our meeting with the dark clad beings when departing Coruscant proved that there were more than one who would gladly be on our tail given a chance. Obviously they were force sensitive in a way, but they were no true sith either. They were an enigma and for the moment I had no idea where they'd come from, I just sensed their dark force signatures even though they were far less distinct than the black hole that had once been my master.

My best guess was that the Sith Lord had somehow picked up force sensitives who were not found by the Jedi and had trained them in case he would need them for his future plans.

….

I had expected the temple on Draay 2 to be visibly worn down and maybe close to inhabitable, but I was (for once) up for a pleasant surprise. It was actually in fairly good shape. It was formed as a circular mass of buildings with an open plaza in the center. Most of the buildings were intact and with some cleaning we could at least get temporary shielding while repairing the rest. I assumed that the rather mild and friendly climate on the moon had not worn down the structures as more hostile environments would have done. A forest spread out in a semi-circle behind the temple area and a glittering stream flowed by. I could see the surprise in the initiates' eyes when they took in the view. This was the first time away from Coruscant's glittering lights and artificial climate for all of them, and even the old knights seemed to take it in in awe.

It surely was paradise.


	14. The First Mission

Settling into our new life was done more swiftly than I'd expected. Surely enough we used the first months on settling in and I went alone for a couple of undercover trips to trade some of the valuables we'd saved from the Temple vaults into more anonymous credits, but those trips were quite uneventful. I chose planets close enough to the core that collectors would be interested in the items and far enough from Coruscant that I'd avoid unwanted attention.

As any good scout I held my mouth shut (Skyguy would have declared it a miracle) and my ears open. I soon learned that the mysterious dark clad beings were called inquisitors and they seemed to create a great deal of fear in the population. It was on my second trip I heard the rumours about their leader, the man-machine called Lord Vader that also was considered the Emperors's right hand, an even more feared being that was said to be able to kill with a glance. My heard twisted in pain when I heard that rumour. More han once I had been on the receiving side of Master Anakin's killing glares but the rumours I heard now were more sinister and more frightening than anything I ever would have expected. I was never in doubt that "Lord Vader" in reality was my forlorn master and the stories I heard made me more determined to fight whatever Vader promoted and whatever Anakin had despised with all my powers.

Sadly, my powers would not stand a chance in direct combat with the Empire…

So, I had to keep myself under the radar and be the one which none knew, hardly anyone had seen and few had heard about.

Master Obi-Wan had given me the codename 'Fulcrum', but it might just as well have been 'Ghost'.

I managed fairly well for a long period of time. The first crisis came when I had been on a simple mission to search for a rumoured force sensitive child on Lenniera. Somehow 'Seabird' managed to keep track on such rumors and during our calls he forwarded it to me. So far I had been able to pick up 3 additions to our little group being in grave danger of being discovered by the inquisitors. This would be the fourth. Or would have been, had it not been a false rumour. There was a child, so far the rumour was true, but anyone with just the tiniest bit of force sensitivity could feel that this child was about as force sensitive as a tuber. Hopefully the inquisitors would notice too, if they ever came in search for her.

So even without making myself known to the child's parents I snook out of the narrow alley where their house was located - and dumped almost into the broad chest of a clone trooper in disguise. Well, actually it was not that much of a disguise but at least it was not the full clone armour. I don't know who was the most shattered by the encounter but I believe I won with a tiny fraction of an ounce.

"I'm sorr…."

"My apologies…"

I had almost expected to be taken into custody at once or killed on the spot, but no such thing happened. Instead the trooper seemed about as eager as I to get away. With the cowl of my cloak almost covering my face I fervently hoped that he would accept that I was out in a fully legitime errand.

We departed in opposite directions.

And my brain started working again. There had been something about that voice, a familiarity that had grown upon me in the wake of more missions than I was willing to count. Though the clones were genetically almost like one individual they had surely developed as single individuals, at least for those of us who knew them well. And the voice that had uttered those few words had a vary strong resemblance with the one of my old friend and 'big brother in arms', Rex.

I was tempted to turn on my heel and try to find him, but then my common sense won. If it had been he, and if he were here on a clandestine mission he would surely not be happy to see me. Those times were long gone, and it would probably end with a blaster shot through my midriff, -an experience I was not too eager to have.

But why had he been there without his armour? I really didn't believe that the Empire gave their troopers that much freedom. Could it be that some troopers somehow had resisted the command to kill jedi? If so, how many? And could they be persuaded into joining our rebellion to be?

I surely had a lot to think about, and I surely would - when eventually the tears stopped flowing down my face.


	15. Meetings in Dark Alleys

But what if it really were Rex? What was he doing here and why was he in civil clothing? It really didn't make sense. I knew that the Empire had changed the armour of their socalled stormtroopers and that they also enrolled beings that were not clones, but I found it hard to believe that they really would send out an old clone trooper on a clandestine mission. Something was definitely amiss. I felt my steps slowing down, literally spoken step by step, and then I halted. And turned 180 degrees on my heel.

I had to find that clone, no matter what. Sith be damned if I was going to let him escape in case it really was Rex, and I felt more and more confident that my assumption in that respect was right.

I found him in a small cantina in an alley further down the main first I didn't see him when I peeked in but then I glimpsed a familiar figure sitting by a table in a shadowed corner of the room. Not good. If he chose to attack me we would surely not get out from there unnoticed. The cantina was not full by any means, but still….

I straightened my shoulders pulled the cowl forward so it covered my face a little better and strode in.

 _"Look as if you belong."_ I could hear the echo of my grandmaster's voice in the back of my head as I closed in on the table and sat down.

"Hello there."

I'm not sure if it was a sub-conscious reference to said grandmaster that made me use that particular phrase, but it made the clone startle so the glass with amber liquid in front of him almost tilted. The bantha steak stayed in place on the plate, though.

"May I take a seat?"

Yep. The deep brown eyes that stared at me were definitely Rex'. I had met them often enough in battle and after battles and before battles and….well, anyway I'd recognise them amidst a million clones. After all he was my mentor and big brother among the clones. The one that had corrected my young and overconfident self and taught me the codes of the clone army. In many ways he had as much influence on my upbringing as Skyguy and Master Obi-Wan. He was the one that never let me down. We both knew that.

"Ah…?"

"Ashla," I presented myself. Ahsoka belonged to another time and another life. That name was best forgotten, at least out in public. "Yes, it's me."

I sat down with my back towards the main room. As any good soldier he sat with his back against the wall to have good overview, and I would prefer to not have my face towards the room. I had grown older and was not totally like the Ahsoka who had been the shadow of "The Hero With No Fear" but still I preferred to be as incognito as possible.

He still looked a bit shellshocked but he didn't reach for any weapons. Either I wasn't considered jedi enough to be killed or the urge to kill all jedi nearby had vanished. Both were OK with me for the moment. Killing was bad idea, in particular if I were to be the victim.

We both spoke at the same time.

"What are you doing here?"

"What happened to you?"

None of us were willing to start the conversation. None wanted to plunge head first into the deep murky waters of the last few years. Not yet. I handed over my order to the waiter. Some food would be good no matter what.

"You haven't shot me yet," I stated matter of factly, "why?"

A pained expression clouded his face for a moment and I felt slightly ashamed.

"No," he said quietly. "I haven't, and I never would."

"But others…?" The unspoken question was blurry, to say the least. I wasn't even sure what I was asking. He wouldn't shoot me, because I was me? Because I wasn't jedi anymore? Would he shoot other jedi? _Had_ he done so?

He shook his head, knowing what I was asking even better than myself.

"No. I did not. I escaped. Some of us had it removed after….after Fives. We didn't dare to keep it."

I must have looked every bit as astonished as I felt.

"It?"


	16. The Chip

"It", Rex confirmed, "or the chip to be more precise."

I looked at him quizzically, knowing fully well I started to sound like a parrot: "Chip?"

I could see the emoitions, and not very good ones, floating over my friend's face as a cloud of fog before he continued,

"Yes. The chip. We all had it, but it was Fives who really discovered it. We were on a mission on Ringo Vinda when Tup suddenly snapped and killed one of the jedi participating in that mission. After the incident Tup behaved weirdly and we returned to Kamino to have him checked up. Fives stayed with him while I was sent back to the front lines. They discovered an implant in Tup's brain. The Kaminoans claimed it was planted there on purpose to suppress aggressive actions from our side. We found it weird to say the least. We all knew that we were created to fight, but in fighting we need at least some natural part of aggression. It really didn't add up and I was more than sceptical."

I nodded. Rex had always been a reasonable man and he had time and time again proven to be able to think outside the proverbial box the Kaminoans had intended the clones to be within. When Rex suspected something out of the ordinary, it probably was.

He took a deep swig of his beer and continued his story.

"I didn't know what to make of it at first. I was thinking about mentioning it for the General, but I also knew that General Skywalker could be a bit…hotheaded, so I wanted proof before I said anything. Little did I know that when the proof came, it would be too late."

I nodded again. Stating that my former Master had been a bit hotheaded was the understatement of the millennia.

"Was it this….chip, that made….everything happen?" I asked. I wasn't really sure I wanted to know the answer but I had to ask the question anyway. The clones had literally been brothers in arms to us and if their betrayal hadn't been entirely theirs, I felt it would make the whole thing the tiniest bit more bearable.

Deep brown eyes looked at me, mournfully.

"Yes," he almost whispered, "it was. At least the part of 'all' that included us clones."

"And you…?"

"As I said, I was suspicious and I really didn't want it there. So I asked Kix to remove it. He was reluctant at first but I…became insistent so at last he gave in. It cost me two days in a sick bed pretending to have the ghamorrean flu."

He almost chuckled by the thought of it.

"The second day of my 'flu' I got a room mate, Wolffe, from General Koon's wolffepack. Naturally he saw the bacta patch in the back of my head and didn't make it match up with my so called flu so I told him. And of course he didn't believe me. Not at first, but as he thought about it he came to the same conclusion as I - one thing was being bred and born to fight but having an implant that in worst case would be able to controll his mind was not something he wanted and eventually he asked Kix to remove his too."

"So there are more of you out there?" I asked eagerly. Having reliable clones on our side would mean a world of difference for the rebellion.

This time he shook his head.

"Not that I know of. I suspect Kix managed to have his own removed too, but I don't know where Kix is so I cannot be entirely sure of that."

"What happened then?" I asked, "From what you've told so far I assume that this chip had something to do with the clones turning against the jedi. Am I right?"

A new nod.

"Oh, yes. At least from what I could observe."


	17. Order 66 From a Clone's Point of View

"Tell me about it," I said softly. Party because I really wanted to know (oh, who am I fooling - the less I hear about the killing in the Temple, the better) and partly because I felt he needed to get it off his chest. Too long had he been carrying the burden of the atrocities in the Temple alone.

"Sure you want to know?"

"Yes. Well, I don't really _want_ to," I admitted, "but I think I _need_ to know."

He drew a deep breath. The glass of beer was almost empty.

_We've been too long at one spot. People will start noticing us if we don't leave soon._

I killed the thought as quickly as it had appeared. This was important. If we had to fight our way out of here, so be it. To buy some more time I ordered some caf - a very strong one.

"It was an ordinary evening in the barracks," he began, "and we were enjoying the sparse downtime before we were to be shipped out again the following morning. Some were playing sabacc, others were just sleeping or relaxing. There was no warning of as what was to happen. I myself was trying to get some sleep so at first I didn't notice that something was going on. I woke abruptly when all my brothers rose as if a signal had been given, even though I couldn't hear anything. I sat up and saw them fully occupied by getting their armours on.

'What's up?'

'Order 66 has been given. Good soldiers follow orders.'

I had no clue what Order 66 was but I surely didn't like the sound of it, and even less did I like my brothers' behaviour. Somehow they had transformed into empty clankers with no brains and glassy eyes. For a moment I saw them all staring at me and I realised that I had to behave like anyone else. Frankly it was scary. 10 minutes earlier these men had been my brothers whom I trusted with my life, and now they made me fear for my life. All my life I had been prepared to die, but surely not by being killed by my own.

I dressed quickly and followed them out. It was kind of lucky that I've been deep asleep when the order was given else I would have had to lead the way and I had no idea of where to go.

'Where are we going?' I tried.

'Good soldiers follow orders!'

At this time I had began to suspect that something really weird was going on and I decided to play along the best I could, so I just confirmed: 'Good soldiers follow orders.'

As we came out I had a chilling feeling running down my spine. From the looks of it we were moving towards the Jedi Temple and somehow I just knew that this wasn't going to be good. In their altered state of mind nobody seemed to notice that I was not in the front row where I usually would have been and for the first time in my life I decided to lay low.

The general met us at the entrance and for a moment I drew a relieved sigh. _The general is here. Whatever's going on he will be able to get my brothers out of this trance or whatever it is that has happened to them._ I soon learned that I was terribly mistaken.

'Rex!'

'Sir, yessir!' I answered like any good trooper would have. I was glad I had the helmet on so the general couldn't see my face. I would have recognised my general anywhere, but as he stared at me with his penetrating blue eyes I realised that they weren't blue anymore. They had turned into a yellow burning colour and it seemed like he was consumed from within by a hellish fire. My mouth snapped shut and I decided to play along until I got a grip about what was happening. This couldn't be good.

'Take your squad to the Council Tower. Ensure that nobody is hiding there and kill anyone trying to escape.'

I swallowed hard.

'Sir, yessir,' I confirmed.

Other squads were sent in other directions with same orders: 'Kill everyone you see.'

The jedi had tried to put the Temple in full lockdown but the general or whatever being that might have possessed him simply opened it with a flicker of his hands. At the same time the air support came in the form of LAATs and the bombardment started. I saw the southern spire fall even before we entered.

I had been in the temple before but that evening it turned into a horrific nightmare. I would have expected there to be screams and fear, instead it was eerily quiet. We heard the bombs falling of course and the sound of blaster bolts and here and there we heard the buzzing of a lightsaber. But no screams. No screams at all. The last I saw of the general was him leading his squad towards what I assume was the residential wing.

Well, actually, it was not the last I saw. Before we entered the tower I saw a small…what do you call them…initiate….meeting him and….the general cut him down with his own lightsaber.

That was when I decided I had to get out of this mess.

The thought of deserting had never ever struck me. I knew I had killed my fair share of beings through the clone wars and to some extent I felt sorry, but it was my duty and fortunately most of our battles were against the clankers.

I got my chance when we entered the council chamber. For a moment I noticed that my squad was busy checking every possible hideout just as a LAAT was passing by. I took the chance and leaped. It was empty except for the pilot. I managed to hit him unconscious with one strike of my blaster and shortly I was on my way towards the Works. It was the only place I could think of where I could possibly disappear. I crashed the LAAT in an abandoned building after jumping out myself and then I ran for my life. After what I had seen my life would not be worth a microcredit if my brothers found me.

I hid there for weeks, always on the move. I got new clothes and grew a beard to at least hide some of my face and eventually I managed to get enough credits to get off planet. First by a smuggler's vessel, then by more ordinary means. And here I am."

I just nodded. My throat had in a mysterious way seemed to contract and for a moment not even the strong (now cold) caf could help.

"I'm so sorry, Rex. I'm so sorry." That was all I could say. I knew the feelings I had when I saw the white armoured troopers marching towards the temple entrance. How much worse wouldn't it have been to actually be there - and see friends and brothers turn into something unrecognisable.

As on signal we asked for the bill, paid and left the cantina.


	18. No, Simply No

Before I returned to my ship I had to ask the inevitable question, and when we were safely out of hearing distance from the cantina I did.

"Re…uh, Captain?"

"Yes?"

"I…well, it was so good to see you again. I …have an assignment now and I wonder….would you like to join me? Or are you otherwise occupied?"

He hesitated for a moment and through the force I could feel him being torn in two different directions. His old loyalty to me battled with something else.

"Well, I'm sorry to say I cannot. I'm sure it would have been interesting but I have some responsibilities right now that I need to take care of."

I looked quizzically at him, knowing very well that asking questions would not be proper. If he could tell me, he would. If not, I just had to live with that.

"Wolffe," he said, "and Gregor. They survived."

I lit up: "Oh, but they could surely join too."

He shook his head reluctantly: "No, I'm afraid not. Wolffe isn't quite the one he used to be. He wants to stay out of, well everything. Master Koon's death was hard on him. And then it's Gregor. He is not very stable. He must have taken a severe blow to his head when he defended Colonel Gascon on Abafar. To be honest, he's more than a little crazy, but he is my brother."

"Oh…"

My disappointment must have shown all over my face. So much for the stoic jedi behaviour. Good thing I wasn't really a jedi then.

"We have decided to settle down on Seelos," he continued. "If there comes at time when you really need me, you can find me, or us, there. Maybe it will be easier to leave when we have settled in properly. I cannot give you the exact coordinates on planet but I'm quite sure you will be able to find us."

I nodded silently.

I couldn't force him, and surely I didn't want to do that to my best friend either. But I would surely miss him as I did all the others who had left from my life. When I grew up in the Temple and later when I was assigned to Skyguy as a padawan I had never foreseen that my life would be so lonely. Even through the hardest of times there had been other people, comrades, to relate to and trust. And now? I knew Master Kenobi was out there somewhere which was of some comfort, and I had my little group of escaped Jedi on Draay 2, but still…the close relationships I had once felt were gone. And most of the people I had shared it with were dead and the rest…otherwise occupied.

"I understand," I said to my old friend. "These are strange times and you must do what you must. But I _will_ miss you. A lot."

"As I will you, Commander," he whispered in my ear.

The accompanying embrace before we parted said it all.


	19. The Art of Letting Go

Sometimes I wondered whether my life would be a life of "letting go"? First I had to let go of my birth family and my home planet. That was an easy one, then I had to let go of the Jedi Order which had become my life and then again I had to let Skyguy and Master Obi-Wan go (the latter twice….) And now Rex - for the second time as well. I understood his feeling of responsibility for his brothers and I accepted it, but a small part of me kept wishing that he would have followed me. After all he was my self declared "big brother" who took care of me when I took my first wobbling steps as General Skywalker's padawan.

I _was_ grateful that I had found the surviving jedi and that we had accomplished to create a new home for ourselves and the younglings on Draay 2. I just…would like to have some more of my old friends back, thank you very much, but obviously that was not to be my fate.

I also was grateful that Master Obi-Wan had suggested the new "missions" for me. I knew for sure that I wouldn't have been patient enough to live on Draay 2 permanently. I really wasn't the good caretaker when it came to raising initiates, and I happily left that part to Bant and Mace (who would have thought only a few years ago that I would be using his first name?). The missions kept my natural restlessness at bay but apart from that little came out of it. I picked up goods we needed to rebuild the Temple, and I had numerous missions out to look for force sensitive children but more often than not I came back home alone. Some of the children were actually force sensitive and would easily have been picked as future jedi back in the old days. Now, with the threat of the Empire looming above so many worlds hardly any parents wanted to give their child away for an uncertain future with a ragtag group of jedi survivors. After all, all jedi were extinct in the purge, traitors as they were. Right?

My missions were truly not very successful in the years to come.

Then Master Obi-Wan came up with the Ryloth mission. Rumors had been heard among his mysterious contacts that there was a force sensitive child on Ryloth and that it's parents would be willing to leave it with any remaining jedi for it's own protection and thus I was instructed to try to find it in the capital, Lessu.

I gladly accepted the mission.


	20. The Ryloth Mission

"I have a mission for you!"

Master Obi-Wan's voice rang loud and clear though the transmitter, and I almost sighed in relief.

"Really? What is it you've got for me this time, Seabird?"

On purpose I used the ridiculous nickname I'd given him in our first call after leaving Coruscant. Somehow it had stuck with him and for some reason he had accepted it, albeit reluctantly. I had not given it much thought at that time, I just felt like he was coming from the skies and disappearing again like a distinguished seabird. As years had passed I wondered if the name had been too revealing. I didn't know where he was living per se, but my gut feeling had given me some ideas which I would never mention to anyone.

"One of your favourites," his voice revealed something midway between exasperated laughter and annoyance, "you have to pick up a parcel from Numa's home. This time we have strong indications that it is the right type."

_Desperately I tried to get my brain into gear. Numa's home…? Oh, yes. Numa, the little girl from Ryloth. But home? It had to be the planet, surely not her actual quarters._

"I get it, I think," I said, "but…Eeno, GET DOWN from there!"

A low chuckle came through the transmitter: "Kids being unruly again?"

"That's the understatement of the year," I sighed, "now, to the mission, do you have any more accurate coordinates?"

"No, not really. You can use the landing place we used a few years ago. Someone will meet you there and show you the way. If you're quick you should be able to pick it up before rumour spreads."

Translated into clear text I was going to go to the place where Obi-Wan and I had picked up the transmitters after getting the freighter from Hondo's, and if I managed to go there quickly I would probably be able to whisk the child away before any inquisitors tracked it down. if the intel was true and if the parents really would let us take it away. Ryloth had it's fair share of present stormtroopers but all in all it was less crowded than Coruscant and Lothal.

"Yep, sure thing. I can do that," I ensured him. "I'll be leaving in a few, and will report back when the parcel is safely home at the retirement home. Geriatric Palace out."

My original nickname for our little group had been "Kindergarten" but that really was too close to what we really were so I had changed it, much to the older jedis' annoyance. My personal nickname, Fulcrum, was only used outside our little group.

Finding Ryloth was easy. After all I'd been there before, several times. Landing, well, that was entirely another story. I had to come in low and without any illumination since I wanted to be undetected. I know that jedi are supposed to do miracles and we ARE (were?) trained from early age to rely on the force and do 'anything' blindfolded. Well, saber combat in the dark is one thing, landing a spaceship on a not-too-large-cliff is something else. I managed with about 15 feet to spare before tipping over the edge.

Well after all it was better than some of the landings Skyguy and I had performed. At least both the ship and I were in one piece. I swiftly shut off the engines and disembarked the ship, closing the hatch thoroughly behind me.

I didn't have to wait long before a young boy peeked up above the edge of the plateau.

"Follow me," he said and gestured me to come closer. "We have to get down to the rendezvous point quickly."

"Rendezvous point?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm to lead you down from this mountain and towards the city and then we're meeting another guide who will take you to wherever it is you are supposed to end up. That way none of us knows what you're actually here for," he finished. "Safety."

I nodded silently. The explanation made sense. Even though the Empire caught one or the other of my pathfinders they wouldn't get the entire story. Imperial prescience wasn't large but at least there would be a few stormtroopers around and with my general luck I wouldn't be too sure that there weren't any inquisitors around either. I'd met them every once in a while on similar missions and they seemed to have a sixth sense of where to find force sensitive younglings.

Well, kriff it, if they were somewhat force sensitive themselves it wouldn't be too difficult finding unshielded younglings once they were close by one, and I assumed Sidous and Vader could sense even more.

Good thing I had focused on shielding thoroughly through the months I lived in the Bendu temple. I was quite certain my shields would hold for an inquisitor or three and possibly also for Vader. And Sidious had an Empire to run so he would likely not be able to track me through the galaxy even if he might sense me.


	21. The Younglings

The descent was easy enough. Obviously I wasn't their first visitor because there was a nearly visible path formed by numerous feet. An untrained eye might not notice it but I was far from untrained. Neither were the inquisitors if any of those should be around.

"I hope you have alternative routes," I said politely, "this one is getting dangerous."

"Huh? What do you mean? No-one ever goes here but me."

"If so, you've been here too frequently," I informed. "You see the bent straws here? And on this rock moss has been worn off by your shoes. For those who knows what to look for, this is almost like a hyperspace lane."

Even if I hadn't been able to see his face in the darkness, I would have felt his shame through the force.

"Oh. I didn't know it was that obvious."

"For a random being passing by it wouldn't be. For those whom you wouldn't like to notice, it would."

We continued our descent and soon we were down in the jungle bordering the city, and we moved silently among the huge trees until we came to an almost spherical rock which once in the past must have rolled down the mountain side and ended up here.

"Wait here!" my young companion said, and disappeared into the dark.

_If they use this as a regular meeting point it's a miracle that they haven't been caught already. Anyone with half a functioning brain cell would know that this would fit far too well for secret meetings._

If I came out of this place in one piece I'd surely tell them a thing or two about clandestine operations. Their change of guide move was clever, the rest of it not so much. Silently I slid into the darkness among the trees, close enough to see the large rock, far enough away that I could sneak away silently if the wrong being came by.

I didn't have to wait long.

Shortly after a stirring in the branches revealed a small being who looked around with a confused expression on his face. It would have been funny if the circumstances had been less tense.

"Looking for me?" I said softly, and had the pleasure of seeing the boy startle. "I was left here by your friend."

I surely would ask Master Obi-Wan to tell his contacts a few well placed phrases about sending children into such dangerous missions once I was done here and could get in touch with him again.

"Follow me," the youngling whispered.

And I followed.

The walk into the city went without any complications, which made me nervous as a loth cat in a fast lane. In my experience there was nothing such as an uncomplicated mission. After criss-crossing between buildings we came to modest looking house in a quiet street.

"There it is," my young companion whispered. "You have half an hour and then one of my…friends will pick you up and take you back."

I nodded silently, saw him disappear into the dark before knocking on the door. By second knock the door was opened and a Twi-lek male peeked out.

"Come in."

I didn't sense any danger so I stepped in.

The room was sparsely equipped with furnitures but otherwise kept well.

"This is not where we live," he explained, "it was just chosen as a meeting point."

"For safety," he added.

I nodded. I could see him inspecting me and for a moment his glance lingered by my lightsaber.

"Activate it," he demanded.

"What?"

"Do it. The…others have red 'sabers. I've been told that true jedi never use red."

Oh, well, it made sense. At least to some extent.

"I'm not a jedi," I said, but did as I was told. "But I don't belong to the 'others' either."

"You will protect her?" he asked.

I nodded: "I will. But, why are you doing this? Not many people give their children away these days."

A flicker of sadness could be seen in his face.

"I know nothing about that, I just know that she has…powers. She can lift things by looking at them. First we weren't sure, but then we saw one of her bottles float towards the crib and then we were sure. We don't trust the others, and that they won't harm her. We've heard rumours that sometimes children just…disappear."

"Yes, I have heard those as well," I agreed. "And you're probably right. Jedi aren't popular nowadays, and that may count for anyone with jedi-like abilities too."

"Will you take her and keep her safe according to your best abilities?" he asked again.

"Yes, or….my friends will do. I do a lot of travelling myself. But she will have friends and caretakers who will be good to her."

"So there _are_ some of you left?"

I just smiled.

"Bring her. We need to leave in a few minutes."

This time he was the one to nod.

"Aria, bring her out."

A Twi-lek female with one of the rare red skin colours appeared from a room in the back of the house. In her arms a little bundle was stirring. I could see stains of tears on her cheeks and yet her eyes had a determined look.

"Stranger, this is Eeyrie," she said softly, "she's 6 months old now."

The child in her arms was cute as can be with a skin tone more like indigo, mostly her father's blue skin mixed with some of the red from her mother. Her eyes were clear blue and she scrutinised me, like she was about to make a tough decision. Which, to some extent was true.

Her mother handed her over to me. Tears brimming over again.

"Here. Take her while I'm still able to do this. Keep her safe, make her happy…."

"We will do our best," I assured her, well aware that the woman had been listening in to my conversation with the male.

And with that the woman handed the bundle over to me. It was the strangest feeling. I always felt a bit uncomfortable around children and in particular those who were as small as this one. They were so small and fragile.

Maybe I would have felt different if I hadn't been fighting a war for months of my own youth. Maybe that had hardened me more than I was willing to admit to myself. At least the child didn't cry.

"We will leave through a back door," the male informed, and bent forward to kiss his daughter's little brow one last time.

And with that they disappeared.


	22. Inquisitors

I waited until I heard the backdoor close behind the couple and then I checked my chrono. About 5 minutes to pickup by some new youngling. I chose to stay indoors as long as possible as a figure dressed in a dark robe with a child in its arms would have been suspicious, even without an ongoing war.

So just in time I stepped out with the child tucked safely in the nook of my arm. She looked curiously around us but could probably not see much as darkness had fallen while I was inside the house. And then her tiny face scrunched as in distaste.

I couldn't agree more. Strolling up the street was the dark foreboding figure of an inquisitor. If I'd been alone I might have ran for it, but escaping over fences and up walls was not an option with little Eeyrie in my arms so I simply had to fight my way out of this. Again, it wouldn't have been too challenging alone. The Inquisitors were skilled fighters but when it came to 'saber combat they weren't a huge challenge for someone like me who had been on the battlefields from a very tender age. Fighting when taking care of a baby was not like being in a battle with Skyguy and Rex so somehow I had to overcome that obstacle - I needed to be able to move freely. So simply levitated the baby through the air and into the relative safety between myself and the wall behind me. A small 'yelp' indicated that she was less than happy with the treatment but apart from that she kept quiet.

"Give the child to me, Jedi," the inquisitor growled.

"Wrong, and wrong again," I answered drily, "I will not give it to you, and I am no Jedi."

"Only Jedi carry lightsabers," he intoned, while drawing his own double bladed saber.

Wow, this guy was really stupid, even for an Inquisitor.

"I doubt it," I said evenly while drawing my own 'sabers, "you don't look like a Jedi to me…"

And at that point he attacked. I ducked and evaded his first strike quite easily and brought my left saber up to block the next one while aiming for his left leg with my other saber. He stepped aside and I had to rely on my block. This guy was larger, heavier and stronger than I and under normal circumstances I would have trusted my natural agility to beat him. This time I didn't have that luxury. I knew that as soon I flipped or used the walls or leapt too long he would snatch the child or kill it. I had, literally, to stand my ground. Stars end, why hadn't I asked Master Obi-Wan to teach me more Soresu while I still had the chance? That style would have been perfect in this situation. I kept blocking and parrying the best I could while my mind was racing. I had to end this soon and get away. Somewhere in the shadows was probably a scared kid waiting to take me back to another meeting point, and the inquisitors worked in pairs far too often for my likings.

I had to end this somehow. Quickly.

Maybe I could use the walls - a little? I decided to give it a try.

At his next furious attack I leapt into the air, over his head and flipped to hit the wall on the other side of the narrow street with my feet and kicked. He had expected me to flip over his head, not to come back again so he was about to take a low blow where my feet would have been in a normal flip. Instead I landed where I'd come from and my 'saber found it's target. I'm usually not the backstabbing type, but there's a first time for everything. He fell flat on his face.

I called the child to me with the force and ran. There was no time waiting for any youngling to turn up as my pathfinder. I had to get away quickly, before the second inquisitor appeared. With some luck I would be able to find my way back to the ship on my own.

I might have done so, but the situation suddenly became even more depressing when two more Inquisitors suddenly appeared around the corner. Obviously I would have more close encounters than I'd bargained for.


	23. Narrow Escape

I really, really didn't like the prospect of this. One Inquisitor was not too much trouble to take down. two would literally be double trouble. I didn't like the thought of dropping the kid once more. They were two and while one fought the other might very well snatch the baby and get away with it while the first one did his best to make minced meat of me. Another minor issue was that I had moved too close to one of the main streets and drawing the lightsabers here would surely draw some attention too.

_So much for staying undercover. Good choice, Tano. Just jump into an epic lightsaber battle on open street and make it clear to all the galaxy that remnants of Jedi still exist._

But, really, I had no other way out, it seemed. And then I heard the sound of a swoop approaching. Quickly. And I heard a voice yell: "Jump!"

There was not much time for thinking twice so I did as I was told. I held the baby firmly, made one of my best force-enhanced jumps ever and landed neatly behind the driver's back.

"Grab around my waist," he yelled. "We have to get out of here quickly."

I did as I was told and realised that it was a very slim waist indeed. Another youngling? And then I stopped thinking. I'd had my fair share of crazy flying with Skyguy and I've probably pulled off one or two stunts myself, but force, this guy was good. I almost wondered whether Skyguy might have created a son here, but then again - he would have been too young and too obsessed with Senator Amidala to do something like that. And the driver was definitely a Twi-lek. The two lekku in front of my face was the absolute evidence of that.

I kept the baby in place and held on for dear lifes, my own and the babys. The swoop zig-zaged expertly around corners and in narrow alleys where I 15 minutes earlier would have sworn that only Anakin or myself would be able to manoeuvre, and then we approached the jungle.

"I'm supposed to…" I began but was immediately cut off by the mysterious driver.

"Nope. Too dangerous. They will find it."

I didn't even embarrass myself by asking what 'it' was. I had mentioned that the large stone was a too obvious meeting point. Someone else had discovered that too.

"This swoop can't make the hill," I tried again.

"It will. I can make it."

The driver had to be either very young or very skilled to be so certain. The swoop was simply not constructed for hillclimbing and in particular not with two point one passengers. But I shut up. Distracting a driver who was moving in top speed through a dense jungle didn't seem like the best of ideas so instead I tried to reach out with the force to 'see' if anyone was in pursuit.

Yep, they were, but they were lagging behind. Good thing, and even better was the fact that I didn't sense any force signatures ahead. With some luck nobody had discovered my ship yet. And there was the hillside.

"Lean forward!" the driver yelled. "We're going up _now!_ "

And the engines roared. I held the child tighter to my chest and did as I was told. I grabbed the general idea: keep the weight centered and let the swoop follow the terrain. It should have been impossible but thanks to the lithe form of the driver and me not being too heavy myself we managed and the swoop skipped over the edge of the plateau and came to a skipping halt only a few meters from the ship's hatch.

I jumped off and while I opened the hatch I cast a glance at my rescuer. It was definitely not a he, but a she - one of those Twi-leks with the most beautiful green skin tone. A couple of googles covered her eyes but what I could see of her face was definitivt a very feminine one.

"Thanks. I really owe you one," I said earnestly, "who are you, by the way?"

She looked at me for a moment, obviously pondering whether she should reveal her identity to me or not. Then she decided to trust me.

"I'm Hera," she said, "Hera Syndulla. My father was doing business with one of your kind some years ago."

That's when I remembered the little Twi-lek girl who had sneaked up on us when Master Obi-Wan and I were here to pick up the communication equipment we later installed in the new Temple and in Obi-Wan's wherever he was.

If there ever came a chance to recruit her for the rebel case, I would surely do so. But that time was not now. I had to get the kid off planet and she had to escape. The engine roared to life again and the swoop disappeared in the dark.


	24. Ghost Crew

My return to Draay-2 went without any more incidents. I did some hyperspace jumping to ensure that nobody were pursuing us and after making enough abrupt changes of course I was fairly sure I could go home safely.

The first thing I did after leaving the kid with Bant was to occupy the comm station.

"Come in Seabird. Kindergarten speaking. You there?"

It took me a while to get in touch but after a couple of days trying he finally answered.

"Wow, you're not easy to find Seabird."

"Well, I'm not spending all my time waiting for your calls…"

Which of course made me wonder what he'd been doing. I was wise enough to not ask him that question though.

"On my last …uh…excursion I ran into a young friend of ours, and I got an idea."

"Enlighten me."

I could almost hear him adding 'Padawan' to the sentence. But he did not - for several good reasons I assumed, -first and foremost because I was nobody's Padawan anymore.

"This…friend has potential of being an excellent pilot in the future. What do you think about creating small groups around the galaxy which may be assigned minor tasks and thus be a general nuisance for the old folks system? That might take some of the pressure away from our other activities."

I could almost see him striking his beard thoughtfully before answering.

"That is not a bad idea. Is your contact ready to start right away?"

"No, I don't think so. My contact should not operate alone. We might have to find a partner in crime and a ship before we recruit more people for our Ghost missions."

"I see. If so, I have an idea. Many years ago when I was leaving old folks home I ran into a young man in the spaceport. I don't know if he's still there, but I have a feeling that recruiting him could be a good idea."

"Who's that?" I said curiously.

"I'm not entirely sure, but I think he may have once been a part of your kindergarten. They call him Jarrus now. He's quite tall and has brown hair and green eyes…"

"Like about a zillion other beings in this galaxy," I sighed sourly.

"Yes, but this one you will recognise if you meet him."

"I will keep my eyes open," I promised. "If I come across him, I will get him."

A low chuckle could be heard from the comm.

"You have my permission to proceed with your Ghost crew when you find time is right. Seabird out."


	25. I am no Jedi

I am Ahsoka Tano.

I am an outcast.

I vaguely remember my childhood before Master Plo took me to the Temple and already then I felt a little bit…off. My birthparents were kind people and so were the others in the village where I was raised, but they weren't like me - or I like them.

Not quite.

I remember recognising something in Master Plo when he turned up at our doorstep, and I willingly followed him to the Jedi Tempe when my parents agreed to my training. I remember the feeling of belonging and contentment when I met others that were like me. Almost.

Just almost.

I don't know if it was my natural predator instincts that made me an outsider in the creche. I was too active, too boisterous, too impatient… I wasn't the troublemaker per se, but I didn't have the other's patience or ability to listen to my elders. I didn't make many friends there, nor enemies. I just _was_.

It's hard to admit but in so many ways I found my place in life on the battlefield. I loved being a part of a team with Master Anakin and Master Obi-Wan and all my adopted brothers in the 501st. The horrible things I experienced made me resent war as such, but for the first time in my life I felt really accepted.

And then I was an outcast again.

I made my choice and stood up for myself, and I guess the price was worth it. I live, when so many others didn't make it. I still wonder whether staying behind would have helped that fateful day? If I had been there, would I have been able to stop Anakin? Would he have listened? Would I have been able to fight him, if needed? Would friendship have won over whatever poison the Sith had fed into his system?

I will never know.

Even now I don't belong. Not truly. I have a home with the other survivors. I'm welcomed to stay whenever I want or need to, but I don't blend in well in their rather peaceful life of raising crechelings, studying, training and harvesting. I don't fit in. I will always belong to the light, of that I am certain. As for the rest, I have no idea.

I am Ahsoka Tano.

I am a warrior.

I am no Jedi.


End file.
